The tiniest of buds are starting to appear on the maple trees surrounding Spud Central. This can only mean one thing. Well, actually two things. Three, if you count the sure sign of spring yadda, yadda. What I'm referring to of course is NBA playoff season and TV re-run season. So as you may have guessed it's time for the 5th annual prime time Kudos and Raspberries awards.

Life has been something of a blur at Spud Central over the past six months or so, what with all the distractions of a weird business year in '03 (a situation that has
corrected itself nicely, thanks), the discovery that Spud Central II, Lower Scarberia wasn't all it was cracked up to be, the endless antics of both the Boy and The Princess of Pain, relocation to more familiar turf and the Wife deciding to edge her way back into the work force. During the course of all of this, the TV was both an irritant and a comfort, even though the season itself was not really much to write home about.

The number of new shows that captured my interest sunk to an all time low. The number of new shows that caught my interest and then just disappeared achieved an all time high. The level of paranoia in Hollywood has also reached new heights, causing me to believe that it must be just terrible to be in the TV business these days, being forced to create shows whose survival depends on their becoming instant successes, even if you have clout and a track record and friends in high places.

Overall it was pretty much the year of Jerry Bruckheimer, who seems to have captured audiences with his CSI shows (Vegas and Miami, with a NYC version in production). Unfortunately for me, I've been a fan since day one and the original is
starting to wear a bit thin, as they have slowly but surely started to diminish the amount of human drama and increase the focus on the actual crimes and criminology.
This is the equivalent of a TV drama turning into a soap opera. CSI Miami shouldn't (we hope) suffer the same fate, mainly because David Caruso's ego won't allow his character's personal demons to be subverted to technology.

Having said all that, when I look at the bigger picture, there always seemed to be something on when I needed the distraction. The piss poor performance of the Raptors and my inability to watch them play without bursting into figurative tears brought about this necessity at a higher frequency than usual. And some of the old standby shows like JAG, The West Wing, Alias, The Shield, and NYPD Blue, seemed to get a little sharper this season, which helped the cause.

Reality TV shows continued to abound, 90 percent of them sucking big time. But there were a couple of bright lights. The Restaurant, which was really more of a
documentary than a reality show, since nobody was forced to eat worms or hang from a crane over the Los Angeles harbour. And Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, which is full of wit and bubbling over with good humour, not to mention grooming tips, and is probably the best PR tool the Gay Community has ever come up with.

So while it wasn't a great year for new shows. It wasn't a total loss and it was still a pretty good overall year for prime time in general.

On to the awards.

THE 'BEST SITCOM OF THE BUNCH' AWARD

Will & Grace-This is a show that thrives on the eccentricity of its characters as opposed to the strength of its gay conviction.

THE 'BEST NEW SITCOM OF THE BUNCH' AWARD

Two and a Half Men-We just watched a two hour marathon and laughed our asses of. The comic timing of Charlie Sheen is awesome. And the writing is as good as anything on TV.

THE 'BEST COMEDY WITHOUT A LAFF TRACK' AWARD

Sex In The City-Ever Since Mike Elliot told me I was an asshole for not watching this show, we have been extreme devotees. I'm not too macho to admit that my eyes
welled up when Carrie walked into the restaurant and joined her sisters for one last
bitchfest in the final episode. This show will be missed by a lot of people, because it managed to cut to the emotional bone quite a few times and that's a hard thing for a comedy to do.

THE 'STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS' AWARD

Seinfeld-I'm constantly amazed at how I can flip onto this show and get stuck there, in
spite of the fact that I have seen each episode maybe three or four hundred times.

THE "OI-WHAT IS THIS SHIT STILL DOING ON THE AIR?" AWARD (COMEDY)

This is a tough one. There was so damn much to choose from. It's a toss up between Hope & Faith and Arrested Development, with a number of serious runners up,
including some black as in Afr0 American comedies that I can't really comment on, because technically, I'm not in the target group but still look pretty bad no matter where you're from.

THE "OI-WHAT IS THIS SHIT STILL DOING ON THE AIR?" AWARD (DRAMA)

Hands down winner-Sue Thomas FBEye. This show manages to trivialize several themes simultaneously and merely points out the lack of content on the air at the
moment.

THE "THIS IS WHAT TV HAS COME TO" AWARD

Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne take up an hour of prime time TV to announce on The
Larry King Show, that their daughter has gone into re-hab. This is very sick stuff. You
make your life completely public and show the world how decadence and apathy and cameras pointed at you 24/7 can turn your kids into complete addicts then get on a high rated show to publicize it-something which parent who gave even the slightest shit would never do. Ozzie and Sharon should be locked up in a Turkish prison for the rest of their lives. This actually dwarfs any criticism I may have had in the past about how reality shows bringing out the worst in people. This is basically child abuse on TV, which, in its own way is a kind of pornography.

THE "BEST VIEWING NIGHT OF THE YEAR" AWARD

Tuesday.Navy NCIS, The Guardian, NYPD Blue.

THE "WORST VIEWING NIGHT OF THE YEAR" AWARD

Saturday.It's pretty sad when a hockey game is the best thing on TV all night long.

THE BEST "JERRY BRUCKHEIMER SHOW" AWARD

CSI Miami-I like David Caruso and am madly in love with Emily Procter. Nuff Said.

THE BEST "JERRY BRUCKHEIMER NICE TRY" AWARD

Skin. This show was on Sunday nights, which I'm sure is what killed it. I thought it was brilliant. But America is one weird country. The biggest porn producing
country in the world shies away from a plot like this in prime time. It's Apple Pie hypocracy at its finest.

THE "SHOWS THAT REALLY SHOULD HAVE MADE IT BUT SADLY DIDN'T" AWARDS

Skin, Firefly, Line of Fire, Threat Matrix, Karen Sisco, 10-8, Tarzan

THE "I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THEY'RE STILL ON THE AIR" AWARDS

Joan of Arcadia, The Handler, Malcolm In The Middle, Sue Thomas FBEye, Monk,
Cold Case, Trailer Park Boys, Happy Family, 1-800 Missing, Charmed.

THE "JUST ABOUT AT THE END OF IT'S RUN AND THAT'S SAD" AWARD

NYPD Blue. This show is always interesting to watch, because of Dennis Franz, the
supporting characters, and the little bits and piece of brilliant character acting that make up every show. This appears to be the only Steven Bocho produced show on the air at the moment, which is a shame. But maybe he just can't deal with the bullshit anymore.

THE "DUMB AND DUMBER" AWARD

24. And I'm not going to elaborate. It's really a guilty pleasure that I watch only to study elongated story arcs.

THE BEST "NEW SHOW I HOPE WILL BE COMING BACK NEXT SEASON" AWARD

The DA. This is an outstanding inside look at big city politics in La La Land when the media is just as important as the issues. This show is extremely clever and edgy. I
hope millions of people watched the 4 episode preview and ABC is ordering up a bunch of new eps.

THE "HIGH IMPACT SHOW OF THE YEAR" AWARD

MI-5 - This is an absolutely stunning British series about counterterrorism. It's extremely sophisticated TV that doesn't seem to be afraid of anything.

THE "NO, I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT" AWARD

The Sopranos. Still top notch entertainment with lots of cussing and killing and
deconstructed psychobabble.

THE "MOST IMPROVED VETERAN" AWARD

The West Wing. With the departure of Aaron Sorkin, it lost a lot of its chattiness. But that chattiness was impacting on the show's pace. I like it a lot better now that
there's more politics and less character study.

THE TOP BIG KAHUNA RUNNERS UP

The Guardian, NYPD Blue, MI-5, The West Wing, The Sopranos, CSI Miami, Navy
NCIS

AND FINALLY

THE BIG KAHUNA FOR 2003/04

Alias: OK, now I guess I'm gonna have to explain myself here. First of all, Alias is considered a bit of a joke here at Spud Central, the Princess of Pain refers to Alias
Star Jennifer Garner as Skeletor, and the character played by Canuk Victor Garber as the Small Mouth Bass. But all that aside, I have become completely hooked on this show. Its plot is so ludicrous that you can't help but find it intriguing. It's got all the cool gizmos of a James Bond movie, the intrigue of completely megalomaniacal madmen, nifty foreign locale reproductions (all of which are done on huge sound stages in LA, great music, a story arc that carries with it a deep seeded mystery that I can't figure out. Romance, betrayal, revenge. hubris, humour and basically non stop action.

This is a stylishly mounted show and over the three seasons it's been motoring, Jennifer Garner has actually filled out a bit and is much less Skeletor-like. There's
not really a lot to dislike about this show, once you have bought into the premise that it's pure comic book fiction and has nothing whatsoever to do with reality. It's not about suspending disbelief, which I personally don't like to do. It's about embracing the fantasy. In a way Alias is a lot like another classic TV fantasy show, The Prisoner. It took you into a world that doesn't exist and let you roams freely in it.

You have to admire the people who put this together. They have to be constantly resisting the urge to do something 'ordinary'. What a gig that must be. I have seen
every episode of this show and just plain love it. If you've never seen it, you can get the first couple seasons on DID now. Save it for the summer drought.

Well that's it for this season.

Let's hope we can do better next year. I'd settle for fewer reality/mutilation shows and more American Idols, if I had to. But for God sake, will somebody take that Simon
Callow out back behind the barn and put a 45 slug in his head. This is one human being the world can really do without.