Well
here we are on the twenty seventh of December and as I sit here
it’s hardly
anything like a December day in the Great White North. Ten degrees
(45 for you
Yanks) Strange. But then that’s really the kind of year
it’s been for a lot of us out
there. Guess you could kind of call it a watershed year.
It was the year in which the Wife and I found out we were just
not suited for living in
the burbs. It was the year in which I became even more disenchanted
with this little
hobby of mine and cut back on the frequency. Not so much the writing
of it, but the
content available to write about. Oh sure, there were some great
TV shows and some
spectacular movies released but, on the other side of the coin
there was still a lot of
lowest common denominator crap floating around out there. And
there were times
when it seemed that was all there was. The old Bruce Springsteen
chestnut – “57
Channels And There’s Nothin’ On”. Only we’ve
got almost a hundred.
It was a record year for movies that I never finished watching.
Or maybe should have
never started. And a record year for movies and TV shows that
I had no interest in
seeing.
It was a year when we learned a lot about how the new global economy
functions as
the Republican emperor of the United States all of a sudden decided
that Saddam
Hussein was Public Enemy #1. A card that needed to be dealt with,
pardon the pun. It
was the year that I began to feel sorry for Americans because
their lives are being
seriously affected by the threat of terrorism, and the cause of
it, for the most part lies
squarely in the White House and with the Bush Family. In Canada,
we have suffered
through an ultra arrogant asshole Liberal dictator. Fortunately
for us, he does not
have the power to make trouble around the world like the Bushes
do. All this
mucking around in the Middle East hornet’s nest does nothing
except make the
hornets angrier and angrier.
It was the year when wheeler dealers who played fast and loose
with the rules
started to feel the hot poker of justice as it got put where the
sun don’t shine.
It was a year of wild fires and earthquakes and terrorist attacks
and ferry boat
accidents and big stars being brought down a peg or two.
And in stark contrast to all of the above, it was one of the best
years for sports that
this Spud has ever had the pleasure to witness. As television
drama and comedy
content continues to languish in the bottom the intelligence barrel,
where network
paranoia is so chronic that good shows no long have a chance to
build an audience:
where HBO shows have all started to take on a homogeneous sameness:
where the
craft channel shows all seem to be about having your house redecorated
by anybody
but yourself: where news magazine shows all seem to be chasing
the same dumbass
stories and where blockbuster movies are nothing but Industrial
Light & Magic
effects dangling from the flimsiest of plot and character lines,
amateur and
professional sports telecasting has stepped in to take over the
role of real life
drama. With player profiles and in depth background reporting,
colour commentary
that’s insightful and intelligent, the average pro-sports
game coverage has turned
into a highly watchable movie like experience.
For sports fans, it kind of always has been this way. But with
the advances in video
technology in the past few year and the creative resources which
the networks are
pouring into their sports coverage, the creative quality of these
shows has improved
dramatically. This, of course, starts to draw in fringe or occasional
viewers and all of
a sudden an important Sunday afternoon NFL or NBA game isn’t
just for the guys
anymore.
Sports marketing is one of the most sophisticated processes out
there, and the
major sports leagues who spend the time and the money to do it
right are assuring
themselves of bigger and bigger audiences, many of whom are coming
to them
Humming the aforementioned Bruce Springsteen song.
And last but not least, it was a year of chaos on many fronts.
My personal theory is
that this was all brought about by the close proximity to earth
of the orbit of planet
Mars for the better part of this year. But who knows. What I do
know is that I’m
going to be busier than a one-armed paperhanger in January and
I am somehow
going to manage to relocate Spud Central at the same time.
Now on to the year end summary
MOVIES
2003 MOVIE, OTHER THAN CHOCOLAT, I’M MOST LIKELY TO SEE
A FEW MORE TIMES
Pirates Of The Caribbean
THREE OF THE WORST MOVIES I SAW IN 2003
The Harvard Man, Sweet Home Alabama, Matrix Reloaded, Landspeed,
Daredevil
The Weight of Water, Bulletproof Monk
BEST MOVIES THAT ALMOST NOBODY SAW IN 2003, WHICH SHOULD BE ON
YOUR
VIDEO VIEWING LIST FOR 2004
Door To Door, Moonlight Mile, Confidence, Insomnia, Equilibrium,
Possession,
25th Hour, The Man From Elysian Fields, A Walk On The Moon, 8
Mile
BEST MOVIE FEATURING A RAPPER TURNED ACTOR
8 Mile (Eminem)
BEST ANTI-AMERICAN HOLLYWOOD FILMS OF 2003
The Last Samurai, The Quiet American, Hulk
BEST FAMILY MOVIES OF 2003
Tuck Everlasting, Finding Nemo, Seabiscuit, Bend It Like Beckham,
Whale Rider,
Stolen Summer, (Project Greenlight),
BEST FILM DOCUMENTARY THAT WASN’T ABOUT THE THREAT OF TERRORISM,
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, MAD COW DISEASE, AIDS, SARS OR NATURAL DISASTERS
Lost in La Mancha
MOVIES THAT WEREN’T AS BAD AS THE ‘CRITICS’
WOULD LIKE TO HAVE YOU
BELIEVE
Gigli, The Life of David Gale
BIGGEST HOLLYWOOD HYPE OF 2003
The Matrix Movies, (whose special effects budget and level of
pretension both grew
dramatically) The Pianist
WORST BIG TIME HOLLYWOOD FOREIGN FILM REMAKE OF 2003
Vanilla Ski, based on the outstanding Spanish film, Open Your
Eyes, which also
starred cutie pie Penelope Cruz
BEST BIG TIME HOLLYWOOD FOREIGN FILM REMAKE OF 2003
Insomnia (with Big Al Pacino)
FLAT OUT BEST BIG TIME MOVIES OF 2003
Seabiscuit, Pirates Of The Caribbean, Lord of The Rings , Matchstick
Men, The
Rundown, The Last Samurai,
TELEVISION
FUNNIEST COMEDY SERIES OF 2003
Will & Grace, Queer Eye For The Straight Guy
FUNNIEST COMEDY SERIES OF 2003 NOT INVOLVING GAY PEOPLE, NOT THAT
THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT
Curb Your Enthusiasm
TV SHOWS I GOT BORED OR DISENCHANTED WITH IN 2003
Without A Trace, 24, The OC, Nip/Tuck
TV SERIES THAT’S MANAGED TO HOLD ITS OWN DESPITE A MAJOR
CHANGE OF
CREATIVE MANAGEMENT
West Wing
BEST TV DOCUMENTARY THAT WASN’T ABOUT THE THREAT OF TERRORISM,
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, MAD COW DISEASE, AIDS, SARS OR NATURAL DISASTERS
Life and Times—Joni Mitchell (CBC)
2003 SERIES THAT DIDN’T DESERVE TO DIE SO YOUNG
Miracles, Skin, The Agency, Keen Eddie, Tarzan, Karen Sisco
BEST MADE FOR TV MOVIE of 2003
The Painted House
TV SERIES I DID THE BIGGEST TURNAROUND ON
Las Vegas (Last year, it was the Shield, proving that I’m
not always right right out of
the gate)
ONLY REALITY SHOWS I WATCHED BESIDES BLIND DATE IN 2003
Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, The Restaurant
FLAT OUT BEST TV SERIES OF 2003
MI-5, Threat Matrix, Everwood, Jag, Navy NCIS, The Guardian, CSI
and CSI Miami,
Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, The Shield, Six Feet Under, The
Daily Show, Las
Vegas, 10-8, Alias, NYPD Blue, West Wing, Dogs With Jobs, Frontiers
of Construction
NUMBER OF FORMAT CHANGES THE COUCH POTATO CHRONICLES WENT THROUGH
IN 2003
Five. (Sorry about that)
FIVE OF MY FAVOURITE SPORTS OR SPORTS RELATED EVENTS FOR 2003
Basketball —Vince Carter getting back to 100% and finally
getting some bad boys to
play with. Golf —Mike Weir winning The Masters. Baseball
—The Florida Marlins
winning The World Series, particularly the performance of Pudge
Rodriguez, their
catcher. Hockey —The Canadian junior team playing some of
the most beautiful
hockey I have ever seen. Tennis—Andre Aggasi—he is
still The Man.
FAMOUS LAST WORDS
A lot of my friends have told me that 2003 was one of the most
chaotic years through
which they have ever trudged. And I can’t disagree. But
this year promises to be
different. I hope everybody feels the same. In three weeks or
so, Spud Central will be
relocated back to the heart of the east side, (Coxwell & Gerrard)
of the Centre of The
Universe. We will be in a much less serene and coma inducing neighbourhood.
I will
be in within sane bike riding distance of all my downtown clients
and everyday
amenities. The Wife will have shopping and banking at her fingertips
once again.
And our dependence on the automobile will be dramatically reduced.
I have a
number of great client relationships forming up. I’m planning
to join a heath club
and get the old Spud bod back into shape. Big changes are afoot.
And my only new
year’s resolution can summed up in two words. Think positive.
Feel free to make that
your resolution too, my Spuds. It doesn’t cost a thing and
rumour has it that it can
even make you some money in the long run.
Happy New Year from yours Spudly, The Wife, The Boy, The Princess
of Pain and
good old Lucy.
COPYRIGHT 2003 - COUCH POTATO CHRONICLES
