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The Big Valley has spent much of this month shrouded in the fog of colliding weather
systems. During the past few days, there has been a magnificent windstorm out on
the bluffs. I took the dog down there and just stood on the end of the cliff and
listened to the wind roar. The dog was humbled by this roaring wind. She stayed low
to the ground, almost as if she’s trying to fasten herself there. But the wind at the
bluffs is an odd thing. It breaks on the side of the cliff, so you’re not so much actually
in the windstorm as you are a sideline observer. Looking down you can see the
waves breaking hard and washing 10 or 12 feet up onto the rocks. This adds a rhythm
track to the symphony and makes things all that much scarier. It’s kind of like what I
imagine being in the eye of a hurricane would be like. It’s even weirder when you
add snow to the symphony. You can stick your arm right out over the edge of the cliff
and bring it back several seconds later covered with snow. Yet, there you are
standing in complete calm. The earth…what a brainteaser.

TERMINATOR 3 – RISE OF THE MACHINES

This is the third installment of a very successful franchise which was created
originally by James Cameron and Gayle Anne Hurd. In a nutshell, it’s all about a
cybernetic organism (Gov A. Schwartzenegger), who keeps coming back in time to
prevent/save and save again John Conner, who will eventually become the leader of
the opposition in the great apocalyptic machine wars that will occur at some point in
the future. In the original, Arnie comes back to kill John Conner’s mother, (Linda
Hamilton) before he’s even conceived. In the second ep, he comes back to protect
the teenage John Conner (Edward Furlong), from a new terminator who’s been sent
to snuff him. In this one, John has survived into his twenties and Arnie’s back again
to protect him from yet another Terminator, a good looking but all business
babeinator played with amazing control by Kristanna Loken.

As a general rule sequels, with very few exceptions (The Godfather, 2010) tend to get
lamer and lamer as they go along. The Terminator series is a partial exception in that
T-2, in my opinion was slightly better than the original and they were both 2 LX spud
size flicks. T-3, however suffers from a number of defects, but in spite of them is still
not half bad.

The defects I’m talking about include: A) Arnie kind of cakewalking through the flick
laying down his stock lines B) A real lack of chemistry between the lead characters
(Nick Stahl and Clare Danes) and C) I guess I would call it the fundamental lack of
the James Cameron directorial style. Cameron understands that science fiction
of this type is something that demands real intimacy, and while director Jonathan
Mostow delivers on the action side of it, he’s still got a ways to go when it comes to
delivering the stuff that’s going to really bond us to the characters. This movie felt
more like a video game than a sci fi flick and while that might appeal to a lot of the
converted, it kind of left me cold.

This could explain why it didn’t exactly set the world on fire at the box office. Or
really rope in any converts here at Spud Central.

The other thing that kind of bugs me about this kind of sci-fi is the assumption that
machines with sentient capabilities are automatically evil and maniacal. The fact of
the matter is that, in spite of what you hear on the news every night (which is
designed to keep you in a state of fear), the majority of people on this planet not
evil, so the chances of a sentient machine being evil as opposed to good is actually
pretty small.

But then what the hell kind of blockbuster film series would that make? Little
Terminator On The Prairie?

IN THE TIME OF BUTTERFLIES (NO SPUD 4U)

Things are still pretty pathetic, selection wise, at Ye Olde Video Shoppe, so a few
nights ago we ended up with this, which was a highly homogenized historical bio-pic
about the madman dictator of the Dominican Republic and three sisters who worked
against him in the underground movement of the 1960s in that country. This film was
as pathetic as most made for TV movies that try to capture some significant part of
history. It’s like somebody kept pouring milk on the production until it was just
impossible to see anything clearly. James Edward Olmos, who played the enigmatic
police Lieutenant on Miami Vice, kind of sleepwalks through his role as Trujillo, who
was basically a completely psychotic and ruthless killer. Missed opportunity here.
And Selma Hayak tries real hard but will never be anything but a great looking latino
bimbette until she finds a director who can harness her raw energy. And that’s the
way it went with a lot of explanation and a lot of paranoia and not very much in the
way of real drama in something that could have been a lot more interesting in the
hands of a director like William Freidken or Costa Gravas. I left after Salma tried to
convince me that she was a hard core political activist. The Wife watched the rest
and was grumpy for a couple of hours afterwards. Guess that pretty much says it all.

THE NEW SEASON -- REPORT CARD

As we approach the midway point of the fall season on TV, I find myself looking
forward to very few of the new shows. But for some reason, I don’t find this all that
unusual. It’s been a very strange year, for everyone, so why should the people of
Hollywood be immune?

First of all, the majority of the new shows suffered from a higher than average lack of
originality. Even the shows I like. Tarzan owes a lot to Beauty and The Beast.
NAVY NCIS owes is pretty much a direct steal from CSI. THREAT MATRIX is an
attempt to continue The Agency (which was 10 times the show this is), Las Vegas is
just Vegas with new characters. THE OC and SKIN (both excellent) are really just
high end soap operas which owe their existence to Dawson’s Creek and Beverly Hills
90210. 10-8, which is a lighthearted procedure oriented cop show draws its roots
from literally all the lighthearted cop shows of yesteryear and, of course, NYPD Blue.
KAREN SISCO is an attempt to combine the look of Miami Vice with the irony and
quirkiness of an Elmore Leonard novel, (upon which is based), and does just that.
Unfortunately, nobody told the producers that this would create and interesting but
pulse-challenged hour that would never be able to compete with Law & Order.
THE BROTHERHOOD OF POLAND NEW HAMPSHIRE suffers from the same malaise.

David E Kelly and his crew are, sadly, too acerbic to create the empathy this show
needs in order for it to shine as brightly as Everwood or even Picket Fences which is
where it came from. JAKE 2.0 is a very entertaining show a la Alias. Unfortunately it’s
up against The West Wing and can only do well in two TV homes where the kids are
actually alienated from their college educated parents. A tough crowd. THE LYON’S
DEN is nothing more than a lame attempt to keep Rob Lowe in the NBC fold until his
congressional term is up and he can come back to The West Wing. Even MI-5, which
is one of this year’s frontrunners for the Big Kahuna is not something I haven’t seen
before in one form or another.

This leaves only two shows: NIP/TUCK and QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY as something I would consider to be a genuinely original newbies Nip/Tuck is an HBO
show about a couple of plastic surgeons in Miami and is as well written and acted as
either the Sopranos or 6 Feet Under. Queer Eye is probably the most fun you can
have with your clothes on. The five gay guys who storm in and completely makeover
some poor schlub who wants to ask his girlfriend to marry him or something, is
absolutely hilarious and genuinely touching at the same time. If more reality shows
has this kind of honesty and energy, they really could be catalyst for change on TV.
The sitcoms are simply all so bad they are not even worth talking about, and that’s
really strange because usually there’s one that pops out. But I really think the
devastation here will be absolute come January.

NEW SHOWS THAT NEVER MADE IT: Joan of Arcadia, Whoopie, George Lopez, The Cold Case, Two and a Half Men, It’s All Relative, Hope & Faith.

That brings us to the returning shows, and frankly this is where my viewing
preference genuinely lies.

EVERWOOD COLORADO is my Big Kahuna frontrunner here. This show is so well
written and acted it’s a pure joy to watch. It’s managed to put a whole bunch of soap
opera themes up there, but has managed to stay completely true to its intent.
Amazing when you think that its creator Craig Berlanti is only about 31 years old.
24 is next. This is big time TV action adventure at its best. Yeah sure, the threats are
a bit far-fetched and the characters are completely over the top most of the time, but
Keifer Sutherland has found himself a perfect character for the kind of intensity he
tends to bring to the screen. He’s the Alan Iverson of TV action adventure. He keeps
getting knocked down but absolutely refuses to stay down. The other real star of the
show is the plotting. As a screenwriter, I am in total awe of the structure of this
show. These guys must snort a lot of coke to keep this juggernaut rolling.

THE WEST WING. This show has changed its character with the departure of series
originator Aaron Sorkin and the takeover by John Wells (of ER fame). It’s replaced
chattiness with real political grit and while it’s not as unique as it used to be, it’s
definitely a hell of a lot more interesting.

THE GUARDIAN. This show runs on the raw energy and talent of Simon Baker and
Dabney Coleman is a perfect showcase for both of these outstanding actors. While,
on the one hand, it’s kind a downer story-wise, these two actors who are in almost
every scene, are so interesting to watch that they really take the edge off it.
CSI & CSI Miami: I am completely hooked on the format of both of these shows. But I
tend to favour CSI Miami a little bit more than the original. This might have had
something to do with an episode I saw a few weeks back which was all about
treasure hunters and the toll that three hundred year old Spanish gold can take. It
was one of the best told stories I think I have ever seen on television. And everybody
in the show knew that they were onto something, especially David Caruso, who
genuinely elevated his performance to make the show as golden as the doubloons
and piece of eight that everyone was dying for.

ALIAS. The women at Spud Centre spend this hour scoffing at Jennifer Garner in her
many disguises and wardrobe changes. I on the other hand have a hell of a lot of fun
simply watching the show. It’s a completely unbelievable action adventure. Just
exactly what I need on a Sunday night.

NYPD BLUE. This show still rocks, although this season, they seem to be
concentrating more on stuff that’s going on in the precinct house as opposed to in
the personal lives of the characters. Who knows maybe there was a downward slide
in the ratings last year ‘cause they spent so much time in Dennis Franz’s apartment.

THE SHIELD: This show has grown and grown on me to the point where I can’t miss
it. This season has started with a very uneasy alliance between the Michael Chiklis
and his precinct captain who is running for city council etc. This show is still highly
unbelievable but impossible to pass up.

JAG: The first few episodes had David James Elliot working for the CIA. But the plots
were so ludicrous that they got him back into uniform real fast. Now, like NYPD Blue,
they seem to be concentrating on cases and not personal stuff too. Which is fine with
me, ‘cause military justice is kind of interesting.

LAWS AND ORDERS. I must confess I only watch Criminal Intent and I only watch that because of Vincent D’Onofrio’s superintense character and the fact that you get to spend a little more time on the crime side than the legal side.

ED: Well Ed is Ed. It seems like every week we tune in just to give it another chance.
It has gotten a little better this week. But, honestly, it’s never going to be much to
write home about. So I’ll just stop now.

Sitcom wise. It’s just Friends, Seinfeld reruns and Will & Grace. Oi.

SHOWS THAT HAVE DISAPPEARED FROM THE RADAR: The District, Boston Public, Without A Trace, Frasier, Becker, King of Queens, Hack

TWO SPUD PRIMETIME VIEWING CIRCA 2003

Watch, Tape & Watch Later

SUNDAY

7:00 Alias, 60 Minutes
8:00 10-8, Queer Eye \ Straight Guy (Bravo)
9:00 Law & Order, CI
10:00 The Shield Nip/Tuck

MONDAY

8:00 Watch Taped Stuff Here
9:00 The OC, Las Vegas
10:00 CSI Miami, Comic View (BET)
11:00 The Daily Show

TUESDAY

8:00 Queer Eye, Navy NCIS
9:00 24, The Guardian
10:00 NYPD Blue
11:00 The Daily Show

WEDNESDAY

8:00 Ed
9:00 The West Wing, Jake 2.0
10:00 Karen Sisco
11:00 The Daily Show

THURSDAY

8:00 Threat Matrix, Friends
9:00 CSI
10:00 Watch Taped Stuff Here
11:00 The Daily Show

FRIDAY

8:00 JAG
9:00 Tarzan
10:00 Watch Taped Stuff Here
11:00 The Daily Show

SATURDAY

8:00 Watch Taped Stuff Here
9:00 Law & Order, CI
10:00 Watch Taped Stuff Here
11:30 Saturday Night Live