CP Chronicle 192

Whoever it was that came up with the concept of oversized biodegradable paper leaf bags is, from all indications, getting filthy rich. We put out a couple dozen of them ourselves and that's just a drop in the bucket compared to some of our neighbours. These bags stand like little clusters of beige penguins at the curbside of just about every house in The Big Valley, (my new knickname for the little area where Spud Central is located), a sure sign of spring and silent testimony to vast amount of baggable crap that a big lawn can generate.

The Wife and I are lucky. The horrible vine is down, the roots dug up. It is solid gone. Perennials will be planted. Evergreens that do not create new revenue for the bag people. Too bad, bag people. You'll get no more filthy lucre at Spud Central. Well maybe just a little.

THE TRANSPORTER (ONE SPUD AND A LIBERTY FRY)

This is one of those Hong-Kong-Dollar-Euro-action-adventure-timewasters that are popping up all over the place. This bit of nonsense was written by Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen (why it takes two whole guys to write, "and then the house/18 wheel diesel rig/50 foot yacht/local police station/high priced BMW blows up" is beyond me), and directed by a rookie named Louis Leterrier, (obviously with some help from Luc, who is a very stylish action director himself).

Anyway there's not much of a story here. Some retired special forces guy, played by Jason Statham (a Brit), who can kill you with 2 inches of skanky dental floss, is in the business of transporting things from place to place. He lives in this great house in the south of France and keeps his Beamer shined and tuned. He gets asked to transport a woman in a duffle bag and a whole shitload of trouble starts when he lets her out of the bag to have a pee. After that the baddies come after him with everything they've got including some heat seeking missiles. Oi.

My theory about these kinds of movies is that, while they don't need a script they might just be a lot more interesting without them. The Wife and I very quickly got into a rhythm with this film, realized it was essentially a big budget unintentional comedy and got quite a hoot out of the whole thing. Only the very deadest of the brain dead could take this stuff seriously. But I mildly recommend it, because it's beautifully photographed, and though it didn't mean to be, very funny.

THE PAINTED HOUSE (TWO SPUDS)

This is one of those Hallmark Hall of Fame Sunday nighters, that I don't mind watching in real time because the Hallmark people don't wall-to-wall the commercials and the commercials they do put on have dramatic and production values every bit as high as the movie they're sponsoring. More advertisers should get hip to doing this because I came away from this two hours feeling like the Hallmark people had really done me a favour by putting this movie on the air. I wanted to send them a card to thank them.
The Painted House is based on a John Grisham novel that's really an odd duck. The movie plays more like it was adapted from a John Steinbeck or WP Kinsella novel than the master of the legal thriller, but there you go. It takes place in early 50s Arkansas and tells the story of a young kid's experiences during the cotton harvest of a particular year, maybe '53. There's a real richness and beauty to the south of that era. It's hardly the cliched south that most movies get made about where everybody is sipping mint julip and trying way too hard to be witty and/or ironic. This is the dirt poor south where people actually have to work to make things happen and the land and the weather are about as cooperative as your average mad dog. There are a lot of little themes that are touched on in this film, but the most important is the frustration of living crop to crop and the lure of the industrialized post war 'North', to which the kid and his parents are ultimately drawn. If you missed it, it's worth catching when it comes around again.

CONFIDENCE (TWO XL SPUDS)

I'm not sure how this movie came together, but you can bet there's probably a hell of a (Dustin Hoffman) story to it. If I were some kind of journalist I would probably dig it up. But alas, I'm just a lowly Spud with an opinion and my opinion of this film is that it's freaking wonderful.

Confidence is genre move making at its very best. Great acting. Great writing. Powerful in-your-face directing. A story that keeps you guessing right up to the last scene. Spud Heaven pure and simple.

Confidence is the story of some professional con men, led by Edward Burns, which is kind of like having Ben Affleck without the attitude. His character's name is Jake Vig, which is very street, (Vig is what's commonly referred to as the outrageous interest that loan sharks charge for lending money). Anyway, Jake and his pals Gordo and Miles, take down a mark for about 150 large (thousand), which they don't know belongs to a prominent psycho gangster called The King (Dustin Hoffman, scruffy and twitching like a real nutbar). That's all I can tell you about the plot here, because this is a con/caper movie and plotting is probably the most important element, except for the fact that everything that happens after that happens so slickly that you'll just sit there going "Oh man!".

This flick was written by a guy named Doug Jung, and it's his first produced feature. What a debut. It's directed by James Foley, who's biggest claim to fame is probably Glengarry Glen Ross, so you know he's comfortable working with actors. And he has lots of good actors to work with in this film, including Rachel Weisz (ouch, she's hot), Andy Garcia Paul Giametti, Morris Chestnut, Luis Guzman and Robert Forrester. These people are in a great movie and they know it. Everybody gets cool stuff to say, have lots of closeups and end up being part of one of the best kept secrets of 2003. I say that because this movie arrived at theatres with all the fanfare of a fart in a windstorm. If you're not habitual movie goers, chances are this is the first time you're hearing about this flick.

Confidence will probably be gone by the time you read this, which is sad because it's a truly great genre picture. If you miss it at the theatre, make sure you pick it up on video. Cause it's solid and entertaining as all get out.
Well that's all I've got to say for this week. Keep your stick on the ice and lets all root for the Portland Trailblazers. After what they did to the Dallas Mavericks last night, they deserve it.

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